Unusual Habits
by Light1
Summary: An early morning awakening leads Seras to discover some of her master's more eccentric habits.


**Unusual Habits**

Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.

Rating: PG

Authoress note: Alucard is odd.

Credit for the idea of sardines goes to Maroongrad and Graceful-Kuja. Thanks, guys it is a cute idea.

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 **Unusual Habits**

{Seras Victoria}

The mansion was a shambles. Workers came and went around the clock, bringing dirt, strange smells and a lot of noise. But if you looked beneath the chaos, beneath the scaffolding and the drills you would see the mansion slowly becoming whole again. The valentine attack was slowly being erased from the walls and floors and it made Seras smile to see it disappear. She just wished it would disappear faster and take the ear-splitting workers with it.

"What…" Seras came too abruptly as the roaring sound of a drill tore her from sleep. Her head hit the coffin lid making her swear aloud. She flopped back and put her hands over her ears. "Bastards," she hissed, kicking the coffin lid off and grabbing the small alarm clock she kept next to her 'bed'. The bright red numbers read 8am and Seras groaned. "Two hours, there has to be a law against two hours sleep." The drill sounded again and Seras groaned and clambered out of her coffin. "Fine then, I'm up. 24-hour construction, who's bright idea was this? Because I'm going to kill…hurt them, hurt them a whole lot." She muttered to herself pulling on fresh clothes before marching out of her room into the hallway.

The smell of the men hit her like a solid force and set her teeth on edge in a way she hadn't expected. Her stomach rumbled and her mood soured even further. She marched up the hallway towards the stairs, snarling at the men filling the smaller bullet holes and tearing down ruptured brickwork where the holes were too big to fill.

"I'm getting rid of his gun," she muttered. "Give him a damn pointy stick or something. What's he need a gun for anyway? Bloody bastard could just tear them apart. He just likes making a lot of noise." Her grumbling continued all the way up to the second floor.

She intended to go to the kitchen; it had been unharmed by the assault, apart from some pots and pans getting knocked off shelves. Also Walter spent a lot of time there and Seras was fond of him, a good chat with him and the smell of tea would do her nerves the world of good. But when she entered the kitchen it was deserted, the oven was on and the smell of bacon was strong. It was such a lovely smell, comforting and delicious even to someone who could no longer manage solid foods. Absently she opened the oven to see two plates loaded with the strips of bacon, Walter had been busy.

Seras sighed and looking around the empty kitchen wondered where else she could hide. She walked out into the hallway again; the smell of bacon was still strong in the hallway. She paused and took a deep breath, the bacon smell was strong in the direction of the kitchen, but it was also strong towards the dining room Integra used. Seras found herself following it all the way to the dining room.

Integra was sat at the head of the table, her eyes glaring around the room. Seras lifted an eyebrow and looked around to find the source of Integra's displeasure. There were no papers on the table and the phone was silent, so no bad news then. The room seemed empty, but Integra was watching the shadows, so Seras decided that it was most likely that Alucard was the cause. As if on cue a white gloved hand appeared, rising up from the table followed by a red-clad arm. Integra snarled aloud and stabbed at the hand with her fork. Seras blinked, taken aback, and watched as Integra battled with what Seras knew to be her master's hand.

It was a very odd sight but Seras was rapidly becoming used to odd sights and she ignored the oddity and wondered what her master could hope to gain from this. She continued to watch as the battle continued and sniggered when Alucard's other hand emerged an impossible distance away from his 'warring' hand. She watched as his second hand reached around Integra who was leaning protectively over her breakfast, a rather tempting looking fry up. The second hand snagged two pieces of bacon while Integra was distracted and both hands beat a hasty retreat. Seras laughed unable to help herself. Integra looked up only now noticing Seras.

"Um …" Integra blushed. Seras smiled, it was a rare sight indeed to see an embarrassed Integra.

"He got the bacon," Seras said. Integra looked down at her plate and started swearing. Alucard emerged from the shadows behind his master, contentedly munching on his stolen prize. Seras frowned again. As a general rule her master did not eat what he referred to as 'people food', so what on earth was he doing? She was opened her mouth to question what was happening when Walter entered a large tray in his hands.

"Oh, good morning Miss Victoria, how nice to see you for breakfast," Walter said as he put the tray down. One of the large plates of bacon from the kitchen was on the tray. Walter lifted it and placed it beside Integra, Seras' eyes widened.

"I assumed it was for the workers," she said softly.

"Your master steals it," Walter explained.

"I noticed," Seras looked at her master again who had yet to acknowledge her and seemed far more interested in eyeing the plate Walter had set down. Walter unloaded the second plate, this one had toast and what Seras assumed were sardines, she wrinkled her nose at the strong smell. Walter finished unloading the tray and put down two cups and a blood donation bag, before sitting and pulling the sardines in front of him.

"I swear to god I will put this fork in your eye." Integra's growl caught Seras' attention. Alucard muttered something unintelligible. "Well maybe if you asked I would give you some," Integra grumbled. "But just helping yourself is going to get you stabbed." Seras almost laughed aloud again when Alucard sighed before dropping ungracefully down on the chair next to Walter and proceeded to make what he probably thought was a charming expression at his master. "You'll have to do a lot better than that, you just look like you're up to something." Integra continued, but she was smiling now. Absently Seras thought she might start setting her alarm for breakfast more often this was entertaining.

"What more could you possibly want from me?" Alucard snapped. Seras half expected him to huff like a spoiled child. It suddenly struck her as strange that she had been terrified of him when she had first met him. He was nothing more than an overgrown child, at least some of the time.

"This is really weird," she said eventually. Alucard frowned at her. "It is!" she said defensively.

"Actually, it isn't," Integra muttered piling bacon onto her plate before offering a piece to Alucard who grinned and snapped it out of her hand directly, teeth grazing his master's fingers. "He often does this, it is a slightly unusual quirk, but it's not out of the ordinary."

"But its bacon," Seras said watching as another piece was taken.

"Pork is good," Alucard smiled, horrendous teeth tearing through the crispy meat in seconds.

"You do seem to have a taste for it," Walter agreed

"Smoked is good," Alucard said, looking back to his master with what could only be called a pleading expression. Seras watched as he was fed another piece and then another and another. The bacon plate was fast emptying and so far it seemed the only one to eat any had been Alucard. Seras was starting to fidget, uneasy. It had been amusing at first to watch her master eat bacon off his own master's plate but as it continued it was far too much like what one would do to a dog they wanted to treat.

"There's more in the kitchen," Walter said as the plate emptied.

"Go and get the rest then," Integra ordered and for the first time ever Seras watched her master simply do as he was told without any comment.

"Your breakfast is going to go cold," She said to Integra when Alucard left.

"I know," Integra sighed. "But I find this more pleasant than breakfast. It's nice to see him eat something that's not screaming."

"Why don't you just give him a plate of his own, then you could eat as well," Seras asked, she left off any comments about treating a grown man like a pet.

"He's won't eat it if I did that," Integra said Seras frowned. "I think it was something that was done to him in the beginning. The first journals make a mention of finding ways to stop him simply eating the staff without having to follow him around and say 'no' every time. Eating the staff was apparently a hobby of his when he first arrived."

"I can just imagine." Walter sighed and absently rubbed his throat.

"But the restriction went a bit too far; for a long time he could only eat on command and could not feed himself." Integra continued. "Abraham apparently favoured this and upon discovering that your master would eat solid food if the fancy took him began feeding him in this fashion."

"Can't you take it off? If it's part of the seal?" Seras asked

"A lot of the old notes were lost when we had a fire when my father was a boy. I know very little of the seal and considering it is tied into his mind I would rather not poke about with it." Integra said firmly, "Lord knows he's mad enough already." Seras lowered her eyes worried she had offended.

"But he eats by himself with …"

"I know," Integra snapped. "I already said I don't understand it and I don't …" She was interrupted when Alucard returned with another plate of bacon. Integra huffed and pulled some of the strips onto her own plate. Her mood clearly dampened by Seras' comments.

"You know," Walter said slowly, cutting into the uncomfortable silence. "Variety is the spice of life."

"Really, you think so do you?" Alucard muttered swallowing his latest bacon acquisition.

"Yes, it is, you should try something different." Walter lifted a sardine and dropped it down in front of the vampire. "Here."

"You're kidding right." Alucard poked the small fish and sneered as it flopped over. "I'm used to my food looking at me, but this is slightly off-putting." Alucard poked the fish again. "It's judging me."

"How can you even eat?" Seras asked the question that had been bugging her for a while now.

"Easily." Alucard was still staring at the aromatic fish.

"Bacon is easier to digest than mobile phones and you've seen him eat those before," Integra smirked, her humour slowly returning.

"Only inadvertently," Alucard muttered

"But I can't eat anything!" Seras squeaked, "I want some bloody bacon."

"No bacon for you," Alucard smirked, "here have this." He flicked the small fish at her; it hit her arm and flopped back onto the table.

"That's gross!" Seras snapped, "don't throw fish at me!" she flicked it back at him. The tiny fish hit Alucard's elbow, he glared at it offensively.

"Just like having children," Walter grinned.

"I always imagined my children to be slightly better behaved," Integra muttered. "But Seras does have a point, you swallow people whole, Alucard and she can't manage soup." Absently she handed across more bacon which was snapped up quickly.

"She's a baby," Alucard managed through chewing. "Would you give a mortal baby bacon, I think not."

"I'm not a baby!" Seras snapped.

"Yes you are, you're an infant and your digestive system simply cannot handle solid food yet. As you get older your stomach will become more accomplished and perhaps if you live long enough one day you'll be eating phones and bacon as well."

"Or peaches." Integra smirked Seras was confused, "he likes peaches." Integra explained.

Seras laughed.

 **End**

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 ** _GREY WINGS_**

 _Jason is stranded in a dark city, and is in desperate need of help when he has no idea how he will get home._

 _So, when he collides with Aurelius, an Angel only in the mildest sense of the word – who has committed a crime worthy of great punishment, but has been handed a rare chance at redemption – Jason can see a way home._

 _However, their journey will be hampered by Fallen Angels, Earth Spirits, and Griffons – and none can say if everyone will make it home._


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